Sex toys for two: the complete guide to sex toys for couples

A Guide to Sex Toys for Couples

There comes a time in every sexual relationship when it’s necessary to spice things up in the bedroom. For many people, this means experimenting with sex toys and foreplay to reach orgasm. However, many adult toys are designed for solo use rather than as couple’s toys. That can be great when you need some alone time, but what if you want your toys to help you both make the most of your time together?

To help you and your favourite partner have a blast together, we’ve put together a complete guide to sex toys for couples.

Not Your Grandmother’s Sex Toys

First, if it’s been a while since you’ve restocked your adult toy chest or sex toy kit, you might be surprised to discover that the types of sex toys available today come in a mind-boggling variety of shapes, sizes and colours.

And if you think it’s impossible that your gran came within 15 metres of a sex toy, think again.

Archaeologists have unearthed sex toys dating back to the time of China’s first emperor, Qin Shihuangdi, who lived around 221 BC. Several of these ancient sex toys were discovered in the same tomb as the famous terracotta warriors - which might explain why some of the soldiers were sculpted with smiles on their faces.

With the invention of electricity, sex toys went into overdrive when doctors began using the first vibrators to treat their patients’ “hysteria”. Interestingly, the electric vibrator was invented more than ten years before the electric iron or the electric vacuum cleaner, which just goes to show that people have always been more interested in pleasure and orgasm than in housekeeping.

Sex toys have a long history, but recent technological advances have catapulted them into the digital age. Far from your average vibrator, today’s adult toys incorporate everything from smartphones to virtual reality.

More than that, modern toys also allow you to enjoy a table for two when it comes to experimenting in the bedroom, transforming them into couple’s sex toys.

If you’re looking for your first female sex toy, an article is available here: How to Choose Your First Vibrator for Women

Tips for Adding a Sidecar to Your Sex Toy Adventures

Sex toys have stepped up a gear, but that doesn’t mean you have to, especially if you and your partner want to make your intimate games a team project.

There are so many different types of sex toys that it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially when shopping for two. If couple’s sex toys interest you, but you’re baffled by the impressive range of options on the market - or you’re not ready to sync your toys with your phone - experts say it’s perfectly fine to take it slow.

It’s also a good idea to approach couple’s toys in stages, to make sure you and your partner select products you’re both comfortable with and looking forward to trying.

Talk to Your Partner About Couple’s Sex Toys

You might be eager to dive into the adventure of couple’s sex toys, but first make sure your partner is on board. You want it to be enjoyable for both of you, so involve your better half in any discussion about adult toys before you stock up on new gadgets.

According to Daniel Canfield, host of Broken Boner Radio and advocate for open discussion about erectile dysfunction, “the key is finding toys whose presence in the bedroom is mutually agreed upon”. He stresses that exploring sex toys should be approached with “compassionate communication” and “mutual fulfilment”.

Have Fun Shopping for Toys

When it comes to choosing the best sex toys for you and your partner, picking them out together is half the fun. If you’re too shy to visit a sex shop, use the buddy system and take your partner along. Having someone supportive there can give you the courage to browse the aisles without feeling embarrassed.

Margaret Romero, functional medicine nurse practitioner and host of The Sacred Medicine podcast, encourages couples to shop in person to get a feel for which toys suit them best. “Go into a store, ask questions, don’t be shy!” she says. “Sometimes it’s hard to know sizes from a website, and you want to be able to feel the dildos or the strength of the vibrations.”

If the thought of watching a shop assistant ring up your dildos and edible knickers makes you want to melt into a puddle of embarrassment, you and your partner can have just as much fun shopping online. You can even think of buying new toys as a way to introduce a little seduction into your sexual routine.

Start with the Basics: Vibrators, Dildos and Plugs, Oh My!

Once both parties have agreed to experiment with toys for couples, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it basic - at least to start with. To choose the best sex toys for two, Tara Struyk, co-founder and editor-in-chief of Kinkly, states: “The most important thing is that couples talk about what excites them, what they’re comfortable with and what’s off limits.”

Struyk points to couple’s vibrators - or “vibes” for short - as a good starting point for the beginner in couple’s sex toys. “There are many different couple’s vibrators and different ways to use them,” she adds. Designed to stimulate both partners, couple’s vibrators can also deliver pleasure to a male partner by delivering vibrations to the scrotum, shaft or head of the penis.

“Keep it simple,” says Rita Delgado, owner of the adult toy store Shades of Love in San Antonio. “When couples first start using toys, one of them might feel intimidated if it’s something big with lots of gadgets,” Delgado says a vibrator can be a great way for couples to start experimenting with sex toys.

Also consider getting a massage oil or butt plug to spice up foreplay and excite your erogenous zones.

Courtney Geter, a therapist, agrees that simplicity is key when it comes to making your first foray into couple’s toys.

“With new technology and new ideas,” she says, “toys are becoming quite high-tech, including wireless connections and apps to enhance pleasure and stimulation. However, some toys don’t come with instructions or complete instructions, and trying to figure out which end goes where and which button does what can create frustration and end a fun night.”

If you row with your partner trying to assemble an Ikea wardrobe, it’s probably best to avoid an overly complicated couple’s toy. That said, it doesn’t mean your love life has to be boring. On the contrary, there are plenty of couple’s toys to keep your sex life fun and exciting.

The Best Sex Toys for Couples

When it comes to sex toys for two, several of the experts we spoke with agreed that couple’s vibrators are an excellent choice for novice and advanced adult sex toy users.

Whilst many men enjoy watching their partners use vibrators, they might not know that new types of vibrators are specifically designed so both parties can get in on the action. That’s great news for the men who are tired of suiting up for the match and being forced to watch from the sidelines.

• We-Vibe. We-Vibe’s range of couple’s vibrators has received kudos from our experts for its variety of speeds and settings that let both partners control the strength of the vibrations. We-Vibe couple’s vibrators are designed to be worn during intercourse, stimulating a woman’s clitoris and G-spot, and delivering plenty of vibrations to the man. As a bonus, the We-Vibe 4 Plus includes an app that lets both partners control each other’s vibration intensity, allowing couples to connect in the bedroom even if they’re miles apart. Long-distance relationships? Nice!
• LELO. Intimate product maker LELO also offers a range of couple’s vibrators, including the popular Tiani line. According to Ms Geter, “once a couple is used to a couple’s vibrator, it’s recommended to step things up with Lelo’s Tiani or We-Vibe”.
• Tantus Feeldoe. If you’re a woman who loves women, sex toy maker Tantus has a toy for lesbian couples that allows both partners to benefit from increased stimulation. The company’s Feeldoe toy is a “strapless strap-on” made of silicone and equipped with a vibrator. One partner controls the bulb end with her pubococcygeus muscle (pc muscle) - the same muscle strengthened by Kegel exercises - and penetrates the other partner with the shaft end. A word of caution, though: The Feeldoe requires a strong pc muscle to control the bulb. Geter therefore recommends that women with lower back pain consult a pelvic floor specialist before using it.
• Lovense. The Singapore-based brand is truly ahead of the competition. It has developed a wide range of adult toys. The Lovense Remote long-distance app lets you make your partner vibrate from afar. It’s one of the most successful apps out there. The Lovense range has something for everyone: from the anal plug for men (Hush), to the vibrator for women (Nora, Lush 3, Mission).

Beyond Vibrators: Other Toys for Two

Couple’s vibrators are popular, but there are other types of sex toys designed to benefit both partners.

For example, vibrating cock rings, which are worn around the penis, often come with attachments designed to stimulate a woman’s clitoris while enhancing sensations for the male partner.

Want to Try Pegging?

Canfield also points out that “pegging” - in which a female partner penetrates a male partner using a strap-on dildo - has become increasingly popular. “Many heterosexual men are discovering what gay men have known for centuries: the intense sexual pleasure of anal stimulation and prostate stimulation,” he explains.

As well as giving men new nocturnal moves, Mr Canfield says pegging can also give women a lot of power. “Women can enjoy what’s called the FemDom experience”.

Dr Dawn Michael, a relationship specialist, told Medical Daily that pegging can also strengthen intimacy between men and women by giving men an insight into what it feels like when they’re “on the receiving end of sex”. Dr Michael also says pegging can produce more intense orgasms in men by stimulating the male G-spot, which is accessed through the front wall of the anus.

Electrosex

For those reluctant to involve their genitals in new types of play, Struyk suggests electrosex as an incredibly pleasurable alternative. “This type of play adds a whole new layer of sensations that a lot of people love, and it’s ideal for couple’s experimentation,” she explains.

Despite its name, electrosex doesn’t involve administering electric shocks to an intimate partner. In fact, electrosex toys aren’t designed to be inserted into the body at all. Instead, one partner glides them over the other’s body - like you would with an ice cube or feather - to deliver a pleasant tingling sensation and sometimes heat.

According to Ms Struyk, couples who want to explore electrosex can choose between wands and TENS devices, the latter allowing deeper penetration of the skin and muscles.

For couples who want a bit more intense stimulation, there are also add-ons you can buy to amplify the sensations of the electricity.

Choosing the Best Materials

When shopping for new toys, it’s also important to pay attention to what they’re made of. Some toys, like those made from porous materials, make toys more flexible and feel more like flesh, but they’ve also raised concerns about bacteria seeping into the pores, where it can remain trapped even if you clean your toys thoroughly. Charlie Glickman, author and human relations counsellor, told US News that putting a condom on your adult toys can be an alternative solution to the porosity problem.

To extend the life of your toys - and to protect your health - you should also follow best practices to keep them clean.

First, make sure you choose a lubricant that’s compatible with your favourite sex toys. God-Vibro’s sex toy lubricant, Toy ‘n Joy, has been specifically tested to be safe on most sex toy materials and surfaces, including silicone, rubber, plastic, glass and stainless steel.

If you’ve ever wondered how to clean sex toys, Glickman recommends rubbing them with antibacterial soap and warm water for 15 to 30 seconds, then letting them air dry to prevent mould growth. You can also place silicone toys on the top shelf of the dishwasher, as long as they don’t contain electronic components or batteries.

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